I've actually contemplated about writing this. Just... why do love have to come at such an inconvenient timing? I avoided having a crush on anyone since 2 years ago and I just have crush on one of my classmates. WHY. It's also my final year in secondary school which means I'll have to focus really hard on my studies this year.
I actually wanted to become friends with him at first and he's a really nice guy. Being the anti-social girl that I am, I only realized he's there around 4 months back when actually we've been in the same class for 2 years already. Umm that also applies to other classmates as well. Especially males. OTZ
Anyway, he was very friendly and open. I really enjoy talking with him and we went out on a class outing. We went ice-skating and tried talking to him in real life and after that, he became kinda reserved. I was like 'what happened?'. Apparently, according to his friends, he is not accustomed to girls so he's just shy and I thought 'well, he doesn't seemed that shy at first and now he's shy all of a sudden. geez'.
So I thought I'll try to make our friendship better. I tried talking to him but the thing is, he's okay online but he's really hostile in real life. I do not know what to make of this. I ignored this side of him and still tried making friends. We were getting along really well and I thought 'Hey, maybe he likes me.' But I always reminded myself not to overthink or else I'll end up heartbroken. Some time after that, I realized that I actually missed him when we did not chat.
At first, I thought maybe it's just a friend I'm missing but no, my heart just have to start beating faster when I see the sight of him. I tried to deny my own feelings but it was kinda hard. The worse thing being him sitting only 2 seats to the left of me in class. My stupid eyes would always try to catch a sight of him. I was trying to control myself so much. Hormones.... I also realized that I became jealous when he likes other girl's pictures and not mine. WTF is wrong with me. OTZ
Anyway, I debated with myself about confessing to him and I've decided to wait until after my final exam to confirm my feelings again. I'll have to get ready for his rejection too. I'm not sure whether this is just the typical puppy love or what. Or maybe because he's really beautiful and I'm REALLY attracted to beautiful things.
I'm in the middle of a 2-week holiday right now and before the holiday started, I talked to him face-to-face. I like talking face-to-face because I can see the other person's expressions. He avoided me the day after. it was quite obvious, really. He doesn't even smile anymore when I said bye to him. I don't know. Maybe it's just me thinking too much again.
I decided to try to stop my feelings for him because it's always me starting up conversations, making the first move and stuff. You get what I mean. I'm sick and tired of all of these. I confronted him about it and he said it's just because of his shyness. Come on! We're friends for almost 4 months already. You know what? Maybe if you actually have the courage to try to talk to me, it won't be so bad. All of this makes me look like a desperate bitch to other people. You know?
I still have my pride to uphold so I'll just avoid him a little bit and if he still wanna be friends, hopefully he'll know what to do. I just hate how my heart started beating faster when I saw him at my friend's birthday party last Sunday. I really need to sort my mind out. Like seriously. YOU HAVE TO FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES. TRIALS ARE JUST 2 FREAKING WEEKS AWAY.
That's all for now. Sorry for the long ass post. XD Hopefully my life gets better. Yours too! =D
I actually wanted to become friends with him at first and he's a really nice guy. Being the anti-social girl that I am, I only realized he's there around 4 months back when actually we've been in the same class for 2 years already. Umm that also applies to other classmates as well. Especially males. OTZ
Anyway, he was very friendly and open. I really enjoy talking with him and we went out on a class outing. We went ice-skating and tried talking to him in real life and after that, he became kinda reserved. I was like 'what happened?'. Apparently, according to his friends, he is not accustomed to girls so he's just shy and I thought 'well, he doesn't seemed that shy at first and now he's shy all of a sudden. geez'.
So I thought I'll try to make our friendship better. I tried talking to him but the thing is, he's okay online but he's really hostile in real life. I do not know what to make of this. I ignored this side of him and still tried making friends. We were getting along really well and I thought 'Hey, maybe he likes me.' But I always reminded myself not to overthink or else I'll end up heartbroken. Some time after that, I realized that I actually missed him when we did not chat.
At first, I thought maybe it's just a friend I'm missing but no, my heart just have to start beating faster when I see the sight of him. I tried to deny my own feelings but it was kinda hard. The worse thing being him sitting only 2 seats to the left of me in class. My stupid eyes would always try to catch a sight of him. I was trying to control myself so much. Hormones.... I also realized that I became jealous when he likes other girl's pictures and not mine. WTF is wrong with me. OTZ
Anyway, I debated with myself about confessing to him and I've decided to wait until after my final exam to confirm my feelings again. I'll have to get ready for his rejection too. I'm not sure whether this is just the typical puppy love or what. Or maybe because he's really beautiful and I'm REALLY attracted to beautiful things.
I'm in the middle of a 2-week holiday right now and before the holiday started, I talked to him face-to-face. I like talking face-to-face because I can see the other person's expressions. He avoided me the day after. it was quite obvious, really. He doesn't even smile anymore when I said bye to him. I don't know. Maybe it's just me thinking too much again.
I decided to try to stop my feelings for him because it's always me starting up conversations, making the first move and stuff. You get what I mean. I'm sick and tired of all of these. I confronted him about it and he said it's just because of his shyness. Come on! We're friends for almost 4 months already. You know what? Maybe if you actually have the courage to try to talk to me, it won't be so bad. All of this makes me look like a desperate bitch to other people. You know?
I still have my pride to uphold so I'll just avoid him a little bit and if he still wanna be friends, hopefully he'll know what to do. I just hate how my heart started beating faster when I saw him at my friend's birthday party last Sunday. I really need to sort my mind out. Like seriously. YOU HAVE TO FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES. TRIALS ARE JUST 2 FREAKING WEEKS AWAY.
That's all for now. Sorry for the long ass post. XD Hopefully my life gets better. Yours too! =D
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