I am so exhausted, mentally. Never would I imagine that I would so soon reach a stage where I just feel like dropping everything. But, of course, I can't because I know this is just a temporary feeling.
Degree has been strict and busy. More so than Foundation. But maybe it was just not the academics. I've been super active with events as well. Some, I don't even have a choice to quit. I had to take it all in.
Other than that, I worry about my results too. I have a few groups going in a not-so-good direction because of the leaders' incompetency and I do not know what I can do to help them as I look at us dropping behind all others. I tried all I can but what you can do don't count much if other members' are lazy. I am a perfectionist (I remind myself that I have to be real too) and I get paranoid/panicky when I see things not doing as well as I want, especially when it's not under my control fully.
For this trimester alone, I've done 5 events and 3 counting now, reserved for next trimesters. This and that plus together, I don't get much time for myself. If I do get, that would be the time I'll use to sleep, not for my own winding down or enjoyment. From the outside, it looked like I enjoyed everything. In fact, I do but sometimes I just think to myself, "Is this what I really want?" Of course it is what I want but the part that went wrong is when I couldn't limit the outside activities.
And that is driving me crazy.
I cried in the toilet just now.
I couldn't help it. I just broke down. I just miss having my own time so much. All my own creative expressions, my crafts, my dance, just my everything. I feel really empty sometimes without them. It might be making me depressed somehow. I don't know. I feel like I can break down anytime and I'm doing everything I can to stop myself thinking of quitting everything.
I have to learn how to limit my activities and have some time alone or else I might very well become a jaded adult by the time I graduate.
Wish me luck.
On a bright side, 3 more weeks in this trimester before I am set free again. I look forward to that day.
Degree has been strict and busy. More so than Foundation. But maybe it was just not the academics. I've been super active with events as well. Some, I don't even have a choice to quit. I had to take it all in.
Other than that, I worry about my results too. I have a few groups going in a not-so-good direction because of the leaders' incompetency and I do not know what I can do to help them as I look at us dropping behind all others. I tried all I can but what you can do don't count much if other members' are lazy. I am a perfectionist (I remind myself that I have to be real too) and I get paranoid/panicky when I see things not doing as well as I want, especially when it's not under my control fully.
For this trimester alone, I've done 5 events and 3 counting now, reserved for next trimesters. This and that plus together, I don't get much time for myself. If I do get, that would be the time I'll use to sleep, not for my own winding down or enjoyment. From the outside, it looked like I enjoyed everything. In fact, I do but sometimes I just think to myself, "Is this what I really want?" Of course it is what I want but the part that went wrong is when I couldn't limit the outside activities.
And that is driving me crazy.
I cried in the toilet just now.
I couldn't help it. I just broke down. I just miss having my own time so much. All my own creative expressions, my crafts, my dance, just my everything. I feel really empty sometimes without them. It might be making me depressed somehow. I don't know. I feel like I can break down anytime and I'm doing everything I can to stop myself thinking of quitting everything.
I have to learn how to limit my activities and have some time alone or else I might very well become a jaded adult by the time I graduate.
Wish me luck.
On a bright side, 3 more weeks in this trimester before I am set free again. I look forward to that day.
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